killlthemusic

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 05:21:29 GMT

i wonder when i will be happy
its been a while... fuck

boise? vancouver?

boise first, then vancouver.

love sucks ass, that's all i have to say.

Sun, 13 May 2007 16:24:42 GMT

fuckin spiders all bitin me and shit... pretty sure it was a spider at least
zits def are NOT this brutal ahahha

it was just like a huge bump yesterday then kyle cleaned it out and now that part is fine but my eye is swollen shut... what the fuck? i need to go to the doctor this shit is freakin me out.

and i took my contact out and it had a tint of red in it [it was in the eye thats swollen]. so im thinkin i probably have contact disease. fuck!

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 06:42:49 GMT

i think it's funny when people get all butt hurt about how people acting
yet EVERY SINGLE THING they say about the other people... they are.
you put yourself in this position. you made your friends how they are toward you by the way you act... and things you say. you're fucking creepy and make things awkward.
hahah and reading some of the shit some people say on here is fucking hillarious.

sick as fuck. . .
freezing - then burning up
puking
crying about everything
bruising easily
no energy
no appetite

9 months and all of a sudden i get this shit. this is the second time now in 2 & a half weeks.
go awayyy sickness ;[

so im listening to paula abdul and it's pretty amazing.

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 09:05:12 GMT

it's kinda funny to watch how pathetic some girls can be
how some girls will do anything for a guys attention
and hurt friends in the process

i dont care how many times youve been hurt
just because other people have fucked you over doesnt mean you need to hurt friends that havent done shit to you
i dont give a fuck if we were together or not
still a whore who will do anything to get a guys/girls attention

and it's funny how no matter what people tell someone
numerous people... they still go after a person who has fucked tons of people over in the past
good luck getting played like a fucking game
and being nothing to people even if they give you attention for a night

P A T H E T I C

it must feel lovely :]

i am hanging out with hannah
and she is amazinggg
she is my new best friend. and i am so glad she came into my life
shes spending the night. i love her hellaaa

eliminating shitty people out of my life
especially people with big mouts and people i cant trust worth shit :]
no big loss especially if they fuck me over. all i wanted was someone to trust and i couldnt get it
fuck that shit

life is good :]

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 19:15:32 GMT

i definately dont feel like going into work today
im so fucking tired. not mentally, but physically
hella stressed. i dont know if i'll be able to do my job
[i work at a call center... answering phones for washington mutual costumers and helping them with banking shit]
anddd yesterday we did roleplaying... where half of our class goes into the other room and we call each other and act like we're talking to costumers
guranteed i gave them the wrong information... alll of them.

i get paid tomorrow
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
tattoos;;

[but smaller]
anddd something along the lines of this...

without the moon. and the bats will look different

&& extensions;; black&purple&blonde probably
another peircing... dont know what yet
tanning... im tooo pale
clothes... but i can just get those for free. most.

stoked about having a job & getting paid but i fucking hate my job already
im going to look for another one and just keep this one until i find something better

ryan && i are doing amazinggg
we havent fought in like 2 or 3 weeks. and thats hella good for us because we used to fight at least 4 times a week
we havent been this good in so long. it's nice :]
we are both working and even though we dont get to see each other much since im training, it'll be worth it in the end
because we'll be able to go out and do whatever we want. be able to get our apartment. and whatever else.

getting a car sooon :]
mom & dad are helping me out
and im going to take my written soon
its going to be so nice to be able to go where ever the fuck i want
whenever... without relying on other people
fuck

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 07:51:13 GMT

being in love is a weird feeling
i have a love/hate relationship with love

ryan & i have been laying in bed for like 3 days straight
watching tv, talking, whatever.
yeah i started hanging out with ryan again, get the fuck over it
he is the only person that makes me truly happy
i have tried to be with other people and it just doesnt work
i am so in love with that kid it's insane
yeah we fight and yeah i have shit to say about him when we do
but when we're okay, everything is amazing

work starts today and i am definately not stoked
i wanted to lay in bed with ryan for the 4th day in a row... but nooo :/ haha godd
oh well. gotta get my shit together sometime.

hella

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 05:48:28 GMT

drama lately
i am sick of all of this
i dont want to see anyone for a couple weeks
i just want to be alone at my house. i need some alone time

i got a jobbb... finally
it's at ict. but i dont give a fuck cuz that means i can have more peircings and shit
i get paid 8.50 an hour and then 9 dollars once i am done training
full time. get paid weekly. around 281 dollars every friday
which is fucking sweeeet... and so much money every month
nowww i wont be broke all the time :]
and the hours are good too... 11-7
i need to get a place downtown so im closer to work

going to take my written soon also
and my dad is getting me a car :]
everything is falling into place... sorta
i have some things that i need to take care of
and then starting work on the 8th... and working my ass off
and being a hermit. sounds good to me.

i miss him. but i hate him. but i miss him. ugh ;/

)(%)$(%)($%(*-

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 23:11:27 GMT

giving up & letting go
i care too much, but it's hard not to
and i know he doesnt care half as much as i do

sometimes you just have to get rid of people in your life...

anyway.

tonight;;
best friend tiiime :]
tomorrow;;
party tiiime :]

ha. this weekend should be good<3

im hella fucking sunburnt
from tanning for 20 minutes
but i need to be tan it looks good. yeahh.

christmas eve is me & logans one month
which is fucking weird because it seems like we've been together for like 5 haha
<3

oh, you could mean everything to me...

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 09:05:07 GMT

i really wish i had a job ;[
so i could buy lots of clothes... get more peircings... and other stuff
not saying on here

haha

i really miss being stable

so i basically have the sweetest boyfriend ever
he brought chocolate milk to my house cuz he knows how much i love it!
and a candy cane :] hahah hes so cute<3

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 02:13:36 GMT

it's really hard for me to get comfortable in new relationships
after me & ryans
kyle was the only other one that i started opening up to
and now logan

logan is like me in ALOT of ways
except for the fact that he likes video games way too much haha
but i think he notices ALL the small stuff. and so do i
he's really comforting like when we hug and stuff
and i like how he lets me make fun of him
and when i give him a dirty look he gets this "god damn what did i do?" look haha
like all defensive
and yesterday when we were getting gas he kissed the window
just small shit like that... is adorable to me :]
and thats one of the biggest things for me. is that kinda stuff. just cute small stuff that would make me happy

i havent eaten all day we have no good food
oh yeah and i fell up the stairs... not down... UP and fucked up my back hella bad
yeah that's how much of a dumbass i am, i swear
i have such bad balance. i always fall over on to logan cuz i cant stand up straight
basically retarded, yep.

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 06:47:30 GMT

this past week has been way too fucking intense
the most traumitizing thing happened that i'll never EVER forget
i see an ambulance and automatically get flashbacks and start crying
i was in the hospital almost every day for the past what... 5 days?
almost had my first love... first everything... die in my bed
and we've known each other for 6 years now
& after all this shit he seems really unappreciative
it just bugs me... whatever

im so thankful he's alive though.
its a miracle he came to my house otherwise he would have died at his house

im starting counseling soon... which i really need after this
:(

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 00:08:21 GMT

im cutting myself off for a while
because im starting to develope a slight problem
i may not do them every single day, but i do them ALOT
and i WANT them EVERY single day. if i could be high every day i definately would be
and that's bad... i didnt think i had a problem with them. i always thought "i have other friends that are worse than me so im okay" but no.
i may have other friends that are worse than me but im still pretty bad
and i cant even get high anymore because i do them so much
so im taking a much needed break
it's going to be fucking horrible though because ill probably get withdrawls and be a huge bitch
oh well, it's something i need to do

muchee and i got pulled over last night cuz he's the worst driver ever
we both got tickets for not having our lap belts on 101$
and he took my id and i thought i had a warrant out for my arrest. i was positive that i did
and i would have been arrested and taken to jail but i didnt have a warrant
i didnt finish my community service for my mip which was due in september
and my probation officer called yesterday for the first time since august
what a coincidence? call on the day i got pulled over and probably would have been arrested
im pretty sure that was a warning and i need to call him tomorrow
im borrowing money from logan to pay it so i dont have to tell my mom

getting a job at muchees work sometime this week
we get paid weekly which is good. i can pay logan back really fast and get an apartment with muchee fast
only shitty thing is... its in the valley... toooo far i hate the valley

im at a weird spot in my life right now
:/

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 12:41:38 GMT

today was such a good dayyy :]
i actually woke up early which makes me really happy because i always stay up all night and sleep all day
then im pissed because i woke up at 3 or 4 and my day was gone
i sat at home all day then met up with logan, joshi and justene at northtown
then we went downtown... i fucking hate being downtown because i go with logan and things are just so awkward around the people he knows
and i've heard all those kids do is talk shit about people
and people have already been saying shit to logan about us being together
i get dirty looks all the time from them and i dont know them whatsoever and all this shit started when logan and i got together
it's fucking stupid i hate being around them its awkward
whatever im just going to ignore it. not my fucking problem

i was so fucking high all day
i fucking love opiates so much :]

and logan bought me a little present today
this mac eyeliner shit i really wanted haha it was random but it made me happy because ive reallyyy wanted it
its cute
and tomorrow we're going to tomato street with matt and justine. double dates are fun :]
then a partyyy which should be fun
i guess alot of people are going
should be interesting because there will be alot of different "groups" there... we'll see
im fucking high and i wish i could sleep but i dont think i can

booo

remember

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 08:17:24 GMT

images are strong, impulses are strong
and logic will break your heart forever, be brave.

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 03:17:58 GMT

i am drinking the best cup of coffee ever right now
with caramel cream shit and like 4 packets of splenda
im probably going to die from using splenda so much... cuz im pretty sure you can get cancer from it? who knows

logan and i went to sharis last night at like 2 am
and when we were done eating it was snowing out and it was so pretty because there were no cars out just us driving down the road
i really wanted to go sledding right then but i dont have a sled. i should probably get one of those soon haha. logan said we should make one but i dont want to haha i want a real one
then when we got back to my house my mom bitched me out while i was making coffee for logan
i dont think she knew he was downstairs. i think she thought he just dropped me off... but he was definately downstairs and heard everything
she was just bitching about me needing a job and if i dont get one before the end of december i have to go back to arizona
i really wanted to say 'excuse me bitch but you cant make me go anywhere' but i didnt want to start a fight while logan was there
but if he wasnt there... the shit would have hit the fucking fan
fuck that bitch

either tomorrow or saturday... me and logan and some other people are going ice skating
logans never been before so thats going to be pretty amusing :]

tonight im going to drink coffee all night
and take caffeine pills so i can stay up all night
and then going downtown at like 830 am cuz thats when the bus stops running for the morning one and doesnt start again til 3 ;[
sooo ill be walking around downtown freezing my ass off getting applications and whatnot... lame
im going to feel like a tweaker tomorrow from all the caffeine.

random

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 06:40:13 GMT

i finally got bubble tea today
i was happy :]

wasted 20 bucks on shitty stuff
didnt even get that high... bleh. i cant wait until i get a job so i can get more and more
i have never really been addicted to anything but i need to watch out for downers
i was really bad with them for a while i need to be careful

logan is coming over soon
i need to clean and shit my room is a fucking messss
im excited

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 09:30:53 GMT

went and saw jackass 2 at the garland tonight with logan and joshi
cuz we had nothing else to do... what a waste of 2.50 haha
it had a couple funny parts but basically it was alot of the same shit

tomorrow should be good
muchee and logan dont have to work
and me and muchee are going shopping and i need to get job applications
then we'll probably all hang out

i am excited for saturday
it's brookies birthday and there's going to be a party
and little james is coming and im excited to see him. i havent seen him in months :]

i'm craving an iced chai latte from starbucks
soo bad

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 03:57:57 GMT

i need my digital camera back
im fucking sick of sidekick pictures theyre shitty

i need to start going tanning
or i wish i was just pale
im sick of being in the middle. logan wants to go tanning with me haha

i reallyyyy need black hair dye and my mom needs to cut my hair
cuz i wont let anyone else touch it
and i need bleach. i need too much shit
especially a fucking cigarette
and a line. haha

im so fucking stoked for shiny toy guns
we get backstage & vip passes
mmhm

i miss my best friend.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 08:05:41 GMT

im craving bubble tea fucking bad
thrifting tomorrow

i need shit so i can paint my room in like 2 hours instead of spread out over 3 days
hahah tweaktweakfsafser

yeah

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 01:53:32 GMT

ive said it before and ill say it again
i hate most of the little 16 year olds in the spokane "scene"
all they are is fucking DRAMA. all they do is talk shit and fight with their friends about stupid petty bullshit

i knew that people were going to talk shit if we got together
but i didnt think it'd be the day after... already
this is what i get for dating someone with a bad fucking reputation
and someone who would flirt with girls alot
now some girls who like him are all fucking butthurt and talking shit
not my fault he fucked you over little girls. it's not my fault he's a little heartbreaker
haha

DRAMAAAA
i miss the old times. before all these little kids came around
like before i moved to arizona. i come back and everything changed
fuck it

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 04:55:54 GMT

im content with my life right now
even though im always bored and i do NOTHING

sooooooo yeah
house of carters is intense
aaron carter is fucking gross looking
and it looks like he does methhh

boredddddddddddd

things are weird right now.

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 05:35:32 GMT

and i dont like it... at all.

i got a cute hello kitty tin thing
to put drugs in

seattle thursday :]

&& extensions soon

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 06:50:27 GMT

im 18 now

ciggs
porn shops
liscence!!
strip clubs

k being 18 is not that cool. shit.

becky got me an uglydoll and i love her for it. yesss. my fave; ice-bat :]]

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:49:26 GMT

i just keep fuckin everything up... oops
didnt go to my drug and alcohol class.... who knows why. but ill be in trouble about that
my mom is SO pissed at me for never being home
need to lose weight asap. like now.
bad shit went down the other night..... err... awkward. over it :]
birthday is in 4 days. need to figure out what's going on
birthday = presents.... fuck yes
more hello kitty shit hopefully
need to figure out if im moving back to az or not? maybe. who knows. i dont.
get a job
get my liscence
get a car
move out

... too much shit to think about. fuck.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 01:13:51 GMT

love fucking sucksss